Skip to content

 

back to screenplays

 

INT. ROOM – NIGHT.

Andria is in a lovely, long nightgown. She’s checking her hair quickly in the mirror as Ted comes in. He’s changed in the other room. He’s wearing his light blue pajamas.

ANDRIA

Pajamas?

TED (knows she’s teasing)

Something wrong with pajamas?

ANDRIA

Well…

TED

“Well” what?

ANDRIA

Shouldn’t they have, like, little bears or something on the knees?

TED

How would you like to pick up your teeth with two busted arms?

ANDRIA

Oh.

She walks up to him, puts her hands on his shoulders, and looks up at him.
ANDRIA

Oh. Now you got me all scared.

She kisses his neck, both sides, then up around his cheeks, then sensuously toward his mouth, then on his mouth, then deeply, insistently. They embrace and kiss deeply.

INT. BED & BREAKFAST – MORNING

The next morning, Sunday. They’re undressed, under the covers. Andria wakes first and just looks at Ted sleeping. Then she snuggles up to him and wakes him up.

ANDRIA

Hi.

TED

Hi. You just been lying there thinking?

ANDRIA

Uh huh.

TED

What?

ANDRIA

I was thinking… (kisses him on the cheek) this is probably why the two unicorns missed getting on the Ark.

She touches the scar on his cheek.
ANDRIA

Where’d you get this old scar?

TED

I don’t suppose you’d believe me if I told you I got it charging with the Light Brigade.

ANDRIA (shakes her head)

When you’re with me, you always pay cash.

TED

Right. Well, nothing glamorous-—a bar fight when I was a kid.

ANDRIA

Oh.

TED

Hey, want a butterfly kiss?

ANDRIA

What’s that?

TED

Just a butterfly kiss, didn’t you do that as a kid?

ANDRIA

No. Will it hurt?

TED

Oh, sure. Have you ever been hurt by a butterfly?

ANDRIA

Well, no.

TED

Ever been beaten up by a butterfly?

ANDRIA

No.

TED

Well then?

ANDRIA

Okay.

TED

Close your eyes.

She does. He leans over and blinks his eyelash on her cheek.
ANDRIA (eyes open, smiling)

Was that it?

Ted nods.
ANDRIA

You’re the butterfly?

He nods.
ANDRIA

You’re kinda big for a butterfly.

TED

That’s good.

ANDRIA

Why?

TED

Because you can grab us big butterflies and we won’t break.

ANDRIA

You mean I can pull on these antennas?

She pulls his hair so it’s sticking up like antennas. Ted nods.
ANDRIA

How ’bout these ears?

She pulls on his ear. Ted nods.
ANDRIA

I didn’t know butterflies had ears.

TED

That’s because they’re teeny tiny on the normal size butterfly.

ANDRIA

But on the big butterfly…?

TED

They’re big.

ANDRIA

How ’bout this nose? Also bigger? She pulls on his nose.

TED (nods)

Are you good at riddles?

ANDRIA

I’ll try.

TED

Who’s bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?

ANDRIA (thinks)

Mr. Bigger, of course.

TED

No. Mr. Bigger’s baby.

ANDRIA

The baby?

TED

Yeah. He’s a little Bigger.

ANDRIA

That does it. I’m gonna break this butterfly in half.

She grabs him, crawls up on top of his chest. Burrows under his throat, kissing him and growling. They pause, kiss, then kiss again. Then passionately.